A dangerous break, a hat trick of Rookies, an unusual score: a contagious mix to forget about the heat and focus on hot football.
Has the beautiful game in hot summer just become an hydration experience occasionally broken by football? The moment FDs adopt it, like today, the question becomes legitimate. Until World Cup or other mundane players resort to it, well that is simply par for the course.
But when warriors who play non-stop from the first touch to the golden goal regardless, to interrupt the game for a water break, well that becomes almost unnatural. It is like if a bunch of unionised camels stop in the desert for water breaks. Their male mates will take the piss forever while female ones will just refuse dating them. To the point, there were fans on the stands questioning if such water break is a breech of contract and as such can trigger a class action for the reimbursement of the season ticket.
The Board, ever alert, was quick to react with the following statement: ‘Hydrations breaks relegate FDs to the realm of ordinary players which is not where they belong. Damaging our brand with such unauthorised initiatives equates to a crime against football which, make no mistakes, will severely be punished. Future breaks will have from now on to be approved by the Board at unanimity and the date will have to be submitted two months in advance. If the date is cleared, then the following terms and conditions will apply: it will only after at least two players from each team have fainted from exhaustion (to be certified by a doctor on the pitch) that quick access to water (10’ max ) will be allowed with takers automatically yellow carded and sent off if found out doing it again’
Today attendance though, credit to players, was business as usual despite the heat: 21 undisturbed footballers staged a thrilling game which could not separate winners from losers:7-7 the final score after golden goal. Besides, there was a bonanza of Rookies, showing that yet again FDs is the most powerful magnet in sport when it comes to attracting new talents.
Rookie Amin from Morocco was on the score list within 1 minute from debut
Yuv and Rookie brother Vansh fought for football supremacy within the family
There were three of them: a by passer, Amin from Morocco and two ‘words of mouth’ Kids. Amin started in defence but after 55’ he was in the opposition box scoring with a header: no time wasted in introducing himself! Of the other two Kids, Vansh knew of FDs and FKs from his brother Yuv: before going to sleep, Yul would always tell him a FDs tale so that he badly wanted to come and check himself if they were for real. As he later put it in the post match interview: ‘It was a game where the lines between phantasy and reality was thinner than those on the pitch’.
The tallest player on the pitch, Vansh had first to negotiate his shooting due to the bumpy terrain but then scored a screamer from distance showing overall agility and vision. As a family member to a well established Kid, the CLUB gets a discount on his price tag which looks full even after such cut.
When Rookie Harry was brought in by Robbie
The other young Rookie was Harry brought in by his ex-Latimer school mates Yuv, Giacomo and Robbie. He took command of the lower left flank playing as a well educated left-back. He reminded us of a previous FD, Paraguayan central defender Blas. Like him, Harry would never mistreat the ball by kicking it far and away from defence: rather he resorted to tricks as an integral part of defending thriving under pressure. Blas would always come out of the box, head high, not before having dribbled, as a minimum requirement, a couple of opponents where at least one of the them had to be either a nutmeg (often competing with Giancarlo) or a Ronaldinho elastic ban. Blas could have played holding a cigar on his right hand while sipping a Martini with olives with the other, without ever losing focus and determination. Harry, please take note.
The game started with Colours hitting the ground running led by Diego F. who, unusually, punched below his size in the MG12. A sure way to make money was to bet on Diego to star in today’s match as it never happened in his career to play two consecutive matches below his full potential. His tally ended with a hat trick which is not every attacking midfielder’s cup of tea.
The disparity of talent and vigour between the two teams was quickly laid bare by the performance of the Colours with Johannes protecting defence (to the point that rush keeper Giancarlo was unbeaten for 15’) and starting the counters with Diego and Oliviero finalising them and scoring a double hat trick.
Orange were heading towards an embarrassing defeat but minutes before the market windows closed they managed to get an emergency loan to go and buy Oliviero for an undisclosed sum. As a lot of cash was still missing to finalise the deal, the closest Colours’ player matching that imposing figure was Jonathan L which was convinced to swap side with an extra package made, among others, of crypto and commodities.
Immediately the exchange granted the game a new balance: Oliviero felt he had an obligation to score the same amount of goals for Orange as he did for Colours.
Harry and Yuness participated in the ‘Remuntada’ with crucial goals.
Unseen scenes happened on the stands: Orange male fans stole from Colours’ ones banners with Oliviero’s photo while females’ ones pledged to cancel their ‘Oliviero’ tattoo first thing on Monday, an irrevocable decision after the Italian scored the golden goal breaking their hearts and sealing the match at an unusual 7-7.
The Man of the Match award was among the least debated in the 22 years FDs history, rendering the votes count a mere formality. Oliviero was helped by Dario to bring home both the MOTM award and two balls in recognition of the double hat trick for the two different teams, a unique feature.
Soon after such performance, stories started flourishing about the Italian striker. Oliviero has always been the forbidden dream of his native town. The local Serie A Club, Udinese has never denied the desire to sign him: who wouldn’t? The problem for all is one of affordability. But there seems to be room for hope: the local newspaper ‘ Messaggero Veneto’ is speculating that fans are organising a crowdfunding to cover his price tag while his salary would be partially covered by proceed from Champions League football, something Oliviero’ goals would guarantee from year after joining.
What a difference a football player can make!
We close the commentary with a photo of the infamous ,Hydration Break’, reminding players in it that they are at risk of incrimination!
An image we all hope we’ll never see again!
COLOURS-ORANGE 7-7
GOALS
COLOURS: Oliviero (3), Diego (3), Amin
ORANGE: Oliviero (3), Vansh, Robbie, Youness (2)
TEAMS
COLOURS: Andrea M, Bijan, Amin, Giancarlo, Harry, Johannes, Kaan, Dario, Jonathan L (Oliviero), Yuv.
ORANGE: Robbie, Federico, Morteza, Jonathan R, Vansh, Youness, Ross, Arman, Davide, Oliviero (Jonathan L), Francesco.