A Swan Song That Keeps Giving
Colours seal a 3-2 victory with impressive defending, as Thomas delays retirement and continues to raise the bar for the game
Since announcing his shocking retirement, Thomas has deliberately remained vague about the exact date of his farewell game. Is this nebulousness due to genuine uncertainty, or is it instead a compassionate strategy to ensure that as many fans as possible can experience seeing this giant on the pitch one last time?
The latter seems more likely. News of his imminent retirement has sent shockwaves around the globe, with reports of people travelling from as far as New Zealand just to be able to say, “We watched Thomas play.”
And those fans are catching Thomas at the very pinnacle of his game. As if determined to savour every remaining moment before leaving London, the Bavarian is playing some of the greatest football of his career. A swan song that keeps on giving.
On Saturday, his performance was spectacular. Paired with Senator Chetan and the ever-reliable Johannes, Thomas erected a dyke in front of Paride, making the Colours’ defence impenetrable, while also offering unwavering support to the front line.
No small feat, considering the opponent was not the San Marino national team. The Orange side fielded attacking players who have the same relationship with the ball that Paganini had with his violin. Players like Yuness and Jonathan, usually accustomed to scoring at will, appeared on Saturday as helpless as Harry Potter without his wand.
At the other end of the pitch, the Colours’ attack was instead effective and prolific.
The first goal came after a classy move initiated by Julien and Francesco and finished by one of the youngsters. Simple. Efficient. Deadly.
The second originated from a deflection on Johannes’ shot. A bit of luck, perhaps — but fortune favours the bold. A perfect illustration of Hannes’ credo: “If you don’t shoot, you’ll never score.”
When Oliviero netted the third goal for the Colours, with the Oranges still unable to register a single shot on target after almost an hour of play, the tension became unbearable.
Relief arrived unexpectedly in the form of Giancarlo. Unable to play due to his marathon injury, he stopped by the pitch while walking his dog, Leone.
When it was time for the Colours to take a corner, Giancarlo stepped in to take it — despite technically not being part of the team. Unusual, yes, but not unlawful: such events are clearly sanctioned under Rule 37b of the Football Dads Rule Book.
After entrusting Leone to Johannes, Giancarlo delivered a rather poor corner, gifting the ball to Bijan, who knew exactly what to do with such a valuable present.
With Johannes momentarily occupied as dog-sitter, and Paride completely out of position after venturing forward for a header, the Oranges sensed a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and launched the most furious attack seen since the days of Little Big Horn.
For a split second, Johannes weighed the wellbeing of Leone against the risk of conceding a goal and reopening the match. It was, of course, an easy decision. Within half a second, the young German returned the dog to Giancarlo and sprinted back towards his own goal at the speed of light, breaking up the move just as the Oranges were about to score.
Danger averted — but the episode served as a wake-up call, for the Oranges that eventually managed to open their account through Hossam, just when it was time to get into Golden Goal time.
Upset at the idea of having failed to keep a clean sheet after a monstrous defensive performance, the Colours briefly lost concentration and allowed the Oranges to score again with Jonathan (3–2).
Energised by this late attempt at a remuntada, the fans demanded further playing time, pushing for a Platinum Goal that could have changed the outcome of the match.
The players initially obliged, but when Alastair sent Francesco to the ground with a robust tackle, it was unanimously decided that it was time to stop definitely.
Collecting his Man of the Match award, Thomas headed home smiling and rang his contractor in Munich to revise the plans for his new house.
The trophy room he had envisioned is already looking too small.
COLOURS-ORANGE 3-2
ORANGE
Alessandro, Jonathan L, Andrea, Joshua, Hossam, Yuness, Alastair, Oscar, one or two more youngsters
COLOURS
Paride, Johannes, Thomas, Chetan, Julien, Oliviero, Francesco, a couple of youngsters, Giancarlo (only for a poor corner)
Absolutely love the narrative flair here. Thomas orchestrating that defense while simultaneously delaying his retirement is peak footballing drama. The bit about Johannes weighing the wellbeeing of the dog against conceding a goal had me laughing, but it also captures something real about these weekend matches. Had similar moments in my Sunday league days where the stakes somehow feel life-or-death.