“And the winner is….” 2021 Football Dads awards announced!
Our correspondent Giancarlo Castelli writes exclusively on the FDs and FKs AWARDS. A night to remember!
Where glamour meet performance: once introduced in 2014 , The FDs and FKs awards have steadily and safely become the industry benchmark, a sort of Nobel prize for Football eclipsing tentative competitors and gaining the unsolicited yet morbid interest once reserved to the Oscars night. By necessity the night venue is virtual not because of covid but simply there is not a single physical location able to contain it. ‘We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars’. Just imagine then if you are one of the stars…So true that ‘ sky is the limit’ for FDs and FKs.
Balon D’Or (?) by France Football and (second) Best awards by FIFA have gracefully accepted the inevitable: second best in this case is still a matter of pride as the first spot is simply not up for grab.
The speculation that the FDs and FKs awards are actually handed over to the winners before the official event by Prince Williams behind the closed doors of Kensington Palace was initially dismissed as pure fantasy. Then the fact that previous winners would just not comment on the matter, let alone deny it, arose suspicion. The cognoscenti actually pointed to some peculiar behaviours on the pitch in the run up to the event, particularly by those players widely speculated by the press as sure winners. Some of them were sporting a suspicious polished posh accent while other, even when violently fouled, acknowledged the opponent with a bowing like in front of Royals instead of the usual volley of verbal abuse and physical threats.
At one stage post-match interviews rather looked like Oxbridge exams on English literature. Questions like ‘What do you reckon is the toughest part of the season?’ were answered ‘beware the Ides of March!’ or ‘how do you feel after the MG7 defeat?’ ‘Now is the winter of our discontent!’. Even VAR related issues were not immune: ‘Were you offside?’ ‘To be or not to be: that is the question!’ was the giveaway answer. Indeed a weird behaviour or perhaps just a rehearsal of what was to come.
In fact rather than Royal duty this could well be a way to thank FDs and FKs by Royals who had the privilege of growing their kids with a weekly show of sportsmanship and football marvels. This is what Archie will envy his cousins forever and what Harry and Megan get the blame for from him on a daily basis. Not the best move for a happy youth.
We all know that what’s said in the Palace stays in the Palace: the Club is adamant that no comment on the matter is allowed by any of the players.
Enough with the protocol: It is now time to name the names of those players whose life is about to change forever.
And the 2021 WINNERS are:
(Roll of drums)
TOP SCORER ==> Johannes
A true coast to coast player with an addiction for goal with his sweet lethal left foot. ‘We all know he is going to score and how but we don’t know how to stop him, say discouraged opponents’.
His consistency and numbers are just off the scale: FIFA has kindly asked the CLUB not to publish the numbers of goals scored by Johannes in 2021 as this would inevitably imply Robert Lewandoski having to hand back the golden boot. The poor Pole had already been deprived by a well deserved Balon d’Or the year before (cancelled due to COVID) and lost out to Messi this year. Johannes is the first winner as the trophy has been introduced only this year and certainly not for lack of sponsors.
No doubt Bayern Munich needs to look no further than Johannes when hunting for the new Lewandowski: Hannes will act as his son agent and no doubt will find a way to be included in the package and naturally so: some Bayern defenders are showing the signs of age while our Kaiser is in his prime week in week out. It might well turn out to be wishful thinking on Bayern’s side as the CLUB has never put money on top of his transfers agenda.
Johannes has topped the TOP SCORER list, likely ahead of Yassin and Marco: as the numbers are huge the CLUB data team is still finalising them.
GOAL of the SEASON==> Leo
His goal in the MG8 from the distance was a ballistic masterpiece combining power, precision, sheer challenge to the laws of physics on rapidly declining objects and the vision and courage to try such a shot which gave the keeper, in fact any keeper, no chance whatsoever. The goal was cherry on the cake which also allowed Leo to snatch the Man of the Match award.
Leo was too emotional to be able to comment on the trophy but his agent was quick to remark that Leo has played the football of his life since joining FKs and this is something that will always be considered when going through the ever copious offers the young talent keeps attracting at an accelerating pace. Other than one of the most promising talent of the FKs academy Leo is also a fine musicians and the CLUB would love him to put down some music for our anthem.
PLAYER OF THE YEAR==> Yassin
Though this might not come as a surprise to many it is worth pointing out that Yassin is the only FD to have won two such awards, and back to back ones as well.
As soon as the news was out the GOATS were quick to congratulate Yassin and acknowledge his status, though to different degrees.
Zlatan tweeted: ‘Yassin is the Man. He makes me look old. Besides Yassin can do with an orange what I can only do with a ball’.
Messi on FB: ‘ Yassin is a Duracell player: unstoppable. He can do with a lemon what I can do with an orange, at best’
Ronaldo posted a picture of Yassin on Instagram with the following caption: ‘ Yassin drives me nuts: he can do with a nut what I do with a lemon’.
Can Yassin compete to be the GOAT? Well, he certainly has potential also considering he has three, four decades ahead of him. Nevertheless is fair to say that he needs at least a Master Game under his belt to boost his credentials as the MG7 evaded him despite his brace. Pele’ won three World Cups: can Yassin do the same with the much more competitive MGs? Time will tell.
Below the ALBO D’ORO and remember: this year it could be you!
Economists and Football experts have conservatively put the combined value of the Three WINNERS on 2021 AWARDS at a double digit of the GDP of any industrialised Nation. Yet the CLUB refuses to cash in.