'Omani Zidane' drives Colours to victory, as Football Dads overcome geopolitical issues
FDs get their 73rd Nation
The eve of every Saturday’s FD match is usually a calm and relaxed affair. Players wrap up the working week, have a light dinner (strictly no drinks), avoid all excess, and go to bed early to ensure a good night’s rest before the match.
Last Friday, however, the calm was broken by disturbing news: Kensington Gardens had been closed due to a “drone threat” targeting the nearby Israeli Embassy.
“A Met Police chemical, biological, radiological and nuclear team was seen near the park’s bandstand” reported the BBC “while police divers were spotted near the Round Pond.”
The idea of police divers combing the Pond and recovering our long-lost footballs made us smile, but this was no joke. Our holy ground under attack? Something had to be done.
While the group chat exploded, the most senior FDs worked tirelessly through the night, drafting scenarios and proposing creative solutions to safeguard Saturday’s match.
SATURDAY MORNING
By 5am, everyone was glued to the group chat awaiting updates.
Very soon, it became clear that the Park would remain closed, depriving us of both the Palace and the Pond pitch.
The most precise indication came from Andrea M, who shared a screenshot of his mysterious Police Tracker.
I know what you are thinking: how does Andrea get access to such sensitive information? Probably best to leave the question unanswered.
LOOKING FOR A NEW VENUE
With Kensington Gardens confirmed closed, it was time to agree on a new venue.
Francesco’s bid to relocate at Southfields Park, conveniently (for him) within walking distance of his home, initially gained traction. Eventually, however, a better option emerged: the old football pitches at Hyde Park, right in front of the Iranian Embassy.
After quick diplomatic talks, the Iranians (who recently proved to be a better footballing nation than Italy by qualifying for the World Cup) confirmed safe passage for all players and fans and proclaimed a unilateral truce for the time of the match.
When FD intelligence confirmed that the pitch was free of Foxes, that harmful species of young humans that tends to occupy every space, the decision was taken, and everyone converged towards the new place.
THE PLAYERS
18 players, including two professional goalkeepers, is as good as it gets (note: FDs play with any number of players, but 9-a-side is undoubtedly the sweet spot).
Returning after some time, Nizar surprised everyone by appearing completely dressed in white, an outfit more suitable to tennis than football. Luckily for him, the ground was so dry that he managed to keep his white shirt and shorts immaculate for the entire match.
A further surprise was the recruiting of rookie Hussain from Oman, bringing to the Club the 73rd nation. It’s not an understatement to say that he demonstrated an incredible amount of talent, playing with the elegance of a vintage Zinedine Zidane. with one crucial improvement: no head-butts to the Italians.
THE MATCH
The match began in chaotic fashion, with both teams conceding goals too embarrassing to describe. After that initial screw-up, however, the music changed and things got serious.
The Oranges deployed a very high defensive line, with Hossam, Davide, and the two Victors pushing up almost to the halfway line. Ahead of them, Bijan, Andrea, and Nizar operated in tight spaces, while Hussain quickly established himself as the central pivot.
This occasionally left them exposed to rapid counter-attacks from the Colours, but overall the gamble paid off. Two goals in succession from Andrea and Nizar brought the Oranges up 3-1, a lead that could have been even greater if not for Alessandro’s heroics and for amazing defence from Hannes, Chetan and Federico.
Back after his positive debut last week, Morteza took control of the Colours’ midfield, acting as an essential link between defense and attack. Playing as a young Pirlo, he distributed balls elegantly to the two inverted wingers, Al on the left and Dario on the right, and striker Francesco.
After plenty of attacks and countless corner kicks, however, the Colours seemed unable to score, with all their plays failing mainly due to mistakes and excess of personalism. Tension started to mount among them, with some shouting, complaining and finger pointing. Never a good sign.
Eventually, Al scored one, reducing the gap. Sensing their moment, the Colours pushed everyone forward. When Federico’s shot ricocheted around the box, Francesco reacted first, tapping in with a classic Inzaghi-style finish. 3–3.
But the Colours’ moment was already over. Undeterred by the draw, the Oranges kept their cool and went back upfront. Hannes and Chetan saved a couple of sure goals with incredible defending, but even they could do nothing when Nizar first, and Andrea later, scored to seal the Orange win at 5-3.
Hussain was a natural contender for Man of the Match, his performance was super, but the jury awarded it to Morteza. In a team plagued by disagreements and far too much shouting, he delivered a display of rare intensity and precision, without uttering a single word. Admirable.
ORANGES-COLOURS 5-3
ORANGES
Paride, Hossam, Davide, Victor, Victor Jr, Bijan, Hussain, Andrea, Nizar
COLOURS
Alessandro, Federico, Hannes, Chetan, Morteza, JonathanR, Dario, Al, Francesco