So… who exactly is Captain Carrot?

Call it lack of inspiration, laziness, or intellectual curiosity, but this week your trusted reporter succumbed to the allure of AI and decided to outsource the write-up to ChatGPT, the mind-blowing technology everyone is talking about and trying out (if you don’t know what ChatGPT, just open Linkedin).
I asked ChatGPT: Write a 400-words commentary in the style of comedian John Oliver for a football match played on Saturday morning in Hyde Park by a group of Dads and Sons, which saw the Oranges team outclass the Colours team and prevail 7-3, amid few injuries due to the terrible icy grass pitch. Playing with the Oranges, Hannes scored two goals, dedicated them to his 85-years old mother, whose birthday is today, and was named Man of the Match.
In a few seconds I got a full commentary. See below:
Good evening, and welcome to the Hyde Park Dad and Sons Football League, where the Oranges team took on the Colours team in a match that was both thrilling and dangerous.
Let’s get one thing straight, the pitch was a disaster, icy and treacherous, it was like playing on a frozen lake. The Colours team, led by Captain Rainbow, spent most of the game on their backs like a bunch of overturned bowls of goldfish, while the Oranges team, led by Captain Carrot, skated circles around them.
The game began with a bang, as Hannes, the Oranges team’s star player, scored the first goal within the first minute of play, and dedicated it to his 85-years old mother, whose birthday is today. I have to say, that was a nice touch, but it’s a shame that the Colours team was left reeling and never fully recovered, or at least not in the same way.
But let’s not forget the real heroes of the day, the paramedics, who were on standby all game, as players were slipping and sliding all over the place, like a bunch of clumsy ice skaters. The Colours team’s Captain Rainbow, ended up with a sprained ankle and a bruised ego, while the Oranges team’s Captain Carrot, remained unscathed, and continued to dominate the game, scoring another goal and setting up several more for his teammates, securing the final score of 7-3 in favor of the Oranges.
And let’s not forget the man of the match, Hannes, who not only scored two goals but also had a hand in several others, and managed to avoid the injury bug, unlike his opponents.
The Colours team, left the field looking like a bunch of deflated rainbows, while the Oranges team celebrated their victory, basking in the glory of their orange-colored triumph. It was a truly entertaining match, but it’s a shame that the real winner of the day was the ice, it was the one who truly outclassed the competitors.
It’s worth mentioning that, in light of the dangerous conditions of the pitch, the league might want to consider postponing future games or finding a less icy venue, before someone gets hurt. But in the meantime, let’s raise a glass to the Oranges team, and their victory, but also to the Colours team, for making it a game to remember
Ok, I know what you are thinking: there are not many details and commentaries written by Giancarlo and myself are way more fun, but you can’t ignore the fact that it took the system few seconds to spit it out, and it’s not that bad, although I didn’t appreciate being called a “deflated rainbow” by an AI bot. Also, the final paragraph shows that AI can’t really understand the ethos of Football Dads: we would never postpone games because of the weather!
As for the Captains, I am afraid Massimo, who led the Colours, will have to take the role of Captain Rainbow with the bruised ego. He tried hard to direct and motivate his all-Italian team, which included youngsters Leo, Giacomo and Luca, and veterans Francesco, Romeo and Alessandro, with no luck. The idea of an an Azzurri team never worked well in the past and today was no exception, as they failed to have a single shot in goal for a good 45 minutes.
Their attempts were regularly frustrated by an impeccable Orange team, who seemed to have ice skates instead of boots. Julien was devastating, commanding the right lane and scoring a few. Ben (back after a long hiatus due to injury) moved with caution but was still decisive. Yuv, Hannes and Johannes played with rare intensity. Their skipper Hossam guaranteed the necessary vision and glue. Taking inspiration from ChatGPT, from now on will be called Captain Carrot.
Still, we can conclude that AI cannot be trusted to write up our memories. Let’s dismiss it as a fade and move on. Let’s just hope it doesn’t get our jobs!
(Top picture: a perplexed Julien and a smiling Hannes after the match)