When you ask for a player that doesn’t run
“I don’t have a husband. I am gay!“, the woman angrily yelled at a shocked Massimo, who as a true gentleman was simply trying to help her find her phone.
Never in FDs’ history had a game been suspended because one of the spectators had lost their phone, but today the players had no alternative. The woman had invaded the pitch, screaming that she couldn’t find her smartphone and that it was all our fault, as she had put it on the grass to give us back the ball. A questionable argument, but the lady seemed to have an impressively unique perspective on reality (to use the phrase ChatGPT recommended me as a more elegant alternative to “completely crazy”).
Luckily, before things could get any weirder, Alessandro with his eagle view spotted the phone on the grass and handed over to her. Before disappearing, the lady thanked him with a gigantic “Vaffanculo“, so loud that was heard on all sides of Hyde Park.
Unaffected by the disruption, occurred after about an hour of play, the players resumed hostilities.
The Oranges had started the 4-side match better, going ahead 3-1. Playing with Alessandro, Hossam, Bijan and rookie Dawood, on a muddy Palace pitch, they had been able to outplay a Colours team that included veterans Massimo, Hannes and Julien, and youngster Adam.
Being down on the score, the Colours were entitled to recruit Francesco, who arrived late on the pitch, however that was reconsidered few minutes later when Diego also arrived, as it was felt that him joining the Oranges would have made the team too unbalanced.
In his infinite wisdom and sportsmanship, overconfident Hossam agreed to let Diego join the Colours and asked in exchange, “give us someone that doesn’t run“. Francesco, still tired from having played another match two days before, immediately raised his hands and changed shirt, happy to join a team where others would supposedly do the running for him. Unfortunately, that’s not how football works, especially when you play 5-side, and his move signed the beginning of the decline of the Oranges.
With Diego and Adam upfront, the Colours now had two players able to run fast, beat their man and shoot. Alessandro in goal suddenly found himself busier than a bee in a hive, but even his many saves could not stop the Colours from getting ahead in the score.
Many actions of the game were captured in video by Nizar who, being unable to play, had followed the match from the side. In one of these, Julien captured the ball in defense, handed it over to Diego who after a quick exchange with Adam shot in goal. In a later one, Diego from the right side launched a through-ball for Adam, who arrived with the speed of Lamborghini, realised that the ball was going straight in goal, and fooled Alessandro pretending to touch it. Classy.
Another element of the Colours’s play was Hossam and Massimo’s decision to often leave the goal unattended to go all-attack. This increased dramatically their attacking potential, while creating opportunities for the Oranges to counter-attack or try to score from a distance. With such plays, Bijan and Dawood both scored a few times, Francesco bagged one, but it wasn’t enough to reverse the match, as the Colours were able to maintain their advantage until the end and rubber stamp their victory with the Golden Goal, scored again by Adam on a low pass from an always reliable Julien.
“Playing another match mid-week was a mistake” said Francesco after the match, conscious that his playing today lacked pace and precision. He promised to reconsider his training schedule and change the menu of the coming Easter lunch.
Adam went home with yet another Man of the Match Award. A nice thing for him, not so much for his father Hossam who was seen googling “affordable storage space london” with a wrinkled face.
COLOURS-ORANGES 9-6
TEAMS
Colours: Hannes, Massimo, Adam, Julien, Diego
Oranges: Alessandro, Hossam, Dawood, Bijan, Francesco
GOALS
Colours….
Oranges: ….